Chicago Region BMW Motorcycle Owners Assoccrbmw

Two terrorists are chatting. One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures. "Yeah, this is my oldest. He's a martyr. Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."



There's a pause.



Then, the second terrorist says, wistfully: "Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"

An elderly couple were 85 and 86 years old, and had been married for
sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by
because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to
the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last
decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare
vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He

took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks,
with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath.
A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This
will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in
Heaven.'

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a
championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever
built on Earth.

'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. You can play for free, every day.
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with
every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks
to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is
all free for you to enjoy.'

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.

Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the
decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.

'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as
much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or
sick. This is Heaven!'

The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?' 'Not unless you want
to,' was the answer. 'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your F*cking bran
muffins.
We could have been here ten years ago!'

bject: The Sensitive Man
> >
> >
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds
of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly
arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of
thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized
bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous
bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such alarge collection of teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his sensitive side but doesn't mention
this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future father of my children?' She turns to
him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They
continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her
in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off
each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so
overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity,
and more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive
guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls
over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into
her eyes, and says:

'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!'

Steve,

Thanks for the yuks! I really liked the bumper sticker and the terrorist dads story. Larry

http://i155.photobucket.com/albums/s295/ou812_o6/JoBama.jpg
And funny video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CetPq_pkHc
Another no music: http://www.wimp.com/breastexams/
http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d104/chan1025/2dh9r8x.jpg